Movie Review: Splice, Hanna, Toy Story, The Rite, Dark Shadows
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Splice 2010 Movie Review
The moral of the movie is that all scientists are immoral. The maker of this movie went out of his way to stuff all the social taboos into one film. There is experimentation with a human fetus. There is abuse, mutilation and isolation of children. There are Machiavellian like punishments. Truly, this movie is the work of a sick individual.
The plot is simple enough. A woman who has a family history of insanity goes too far with experimentation. She creates the mother load of chimeras. Dren the modern-day Frankenstein, is the gullible and adorable lil monster of this scientist. In the past, she had refused to have children the regular way.
She added her human DNA to the monstrous mix to create a child she could control. Because it was not fully human, she felt she could raise it anyway she desired. In essence, the daughter becomes the mother in this horrible movie.
I watched it twice last night. The first time I spent most of the time hidden behind my pillow. The second time around, I watched it with my family just to see their reaction. The overall reaction was "WTF".
It was horrible, terrible, sickening. But for a scary movie it worked pretty well. The suspense was so thick that it would be cut with a knife. This thriller is a must-see movie. I recommend it. But beware! You must keep an open mind.
Hanna Movie Review
Yesterday, I sat down and watched the movie Hanna. There were only two good actors in the movie. The first one was Saoirse Ronan (you remember, the lil girl from War of the World and the Lovely Bones), as the leading role. The second was Cate Blanchett as Hanna's mortal enemy Marissa Wiegler. Basically, Hanna was the last of some experimental super soldier children. It was part of Marissa's mission to discontinue Hanna. When Hanna was just a child her mother was slain. She survived thanks to her escort Eric, who had a change of heart and decided to help Hanna and her mother.
The movie begins with the education of Hanna. Under the tutelage of Erik (who is the worst male actor in the history of acting), Hanna is trained to be the perfect killer. The movie draws a parallel between the first scene of Hanna killing a deer and her Final Battle with Marissa. In both cases, her arrow missed the heart. She only felt guilty about not doing a clean kill. Both animal and CIA agent where bleeding to death by the time that Hanna managed to find them and finish them off.
Something about Hanna's education reminds me a bit of Voltaire's Emil. In both stories, a child is raised in the forest and prepared for the real world. When Hanan finally entered the world the thing she liked best was music (mostly because her mother was a singer). She is captured and kills the stunt double of Marissa. Thinking herself safe, she bonds with an American family. It's a good thing they were Americans. Otherwise, they would have ended up like the clown/magician agent in London. CIA agents never torture US citizens (in theory not in practice, hehehehehe).
I don't know... Something about the movie alluded to Hanna's blood relationship with Marissa. Both maidens were cold-hearted killers. Also, Hanna's grandma kept telling the agent that she could not understand what it was like to lose a child. Marissa neither affirmed not denied this fact. Plus,both maidens had the same eyes. Perhaps, it was Marissa's DNA that was added in the mix. Thus, all the proto- super soldiers where like Marissa. When the program died it was the duty of the donor to terminate the subjects. This also would explain her infatuation with Hanna.
This is a perfect example of how a movie should be made. They do not give us all the answers. Our perspective is the same as that of the agent and the oblivious Hanna. Both personages had so much in common... Like mother like daughter. Oh, before I forget, the torture used on the magician is based on the martyrdom of St. Sebastian. Basically, one shoots arrows through a person's body avoiding all the vital organs. It is an excruciatingly painful way to die. This torture also supplied Hanna with the arrow she needed to win (though I am not so certain about the physics behind that last shot).
Toy Story Disney Movie Review
I recently got bored of rating artwork, books, regular movie, ect. Thus, I decided to rate some of the Disney movies of my childhood past. The first movie that I am going to rate is Toy Story. Looking back, I realized that the theme of this story was really something quite original. I am not talking about toys being alive and needing their human owners. No, no, the Nutcracker bit its teeth into that theme years ago (before it became fashionable to make toy alive). I am talking about the existential crisis of Buzz Lightyear. Think about, Toy Story chronicles Buzz acceptance that his identity is a lie.
That Lightyear truly did believe he was the true Buzz Lightyear. He was not aware that he was a toy (its a real bummer). Throughout the movie, Woody tried to convince Buzz that he was a toy and nothing else. It's kinda depressing how Buzz discarded his old identity. In the end, he came to terms with the realization that he was a toy and nothing else. Still, he was able to find a place in his new reality. Reality, and illusion... rather deep for a lil kids movie.
Well, you guys already know the plot of this movie. It is a classic. I guess I will give a lil recap. Basically, Woody is jealous of the new fancy toy, Buzz Lightyear. This new toy has a real existential crisis. Like Don Quixote, he believes that he is the genuine Buzz Lightyear. One day, the owner, Andy, moves and somehow (I forget) both Buzz and Woody get picked up by a weird kid that likes torturing his toys. By putting their differences aside, Buzz and Woody are reunited with Andy. Its interesting the sadism of that other weird kid (whose name alludes me).
Well, lil kids do blow up their toys from time to time, pretending they are real people. If you ask me, that is a prelude to some serious (murder) busyness. One has to wonder much about a kid who feels joy at imagining the pain a toy feels as it loses its limbs.
Then again, when playing with toys... most kids imagine that they are real people, feeling real pain. Those kids express their reality in their play. After all, all fantasy is based on reality and vise versa. Oh well, these are the moral lessons that I got from the Toy Story movie.
The Rite Movie Review
Yesterday, I watched a scary movie about demon exorcisms. The whole theme of the movie is that not even the Vatican is safe from Demonic influence. The movie does not have any serious gory themes. Although, you can cut tension with a butter knife. The story begins with the preparation of a dead body for a funeral. Our main character, Micheal Kovak decides to enter a priest collage to run away from his father's busyness. The day he was going to quit school, a girl gets run over and he performs the last rites. His mentor seeing the way he handled it sends him to a special course at the Vatican.
In the Vatican, he takes an exorcism class. During class, the teacher notices that Kovak was a skeptic. He sends Kovak to Father Lucas (a Veteran Jesuit exorcist). The first exorcism he saw was one on a pregnant teenage girl (who we later found out was raped by her father). It's interesting the instruction given by the Father Lucas. Father Lucas told Kovak not to look at the demon in the eye. The reason is that the eyes are the windows into the soul. Thus, if you look at the possessed in the eye there is a chance that the demon might enter your soul.
Aside from the prayers, the most important thing one needs is to get the name. Once you have the demons' name the rest is easy. Its interesting the weird contortions performed by the pregnant chick. Her head did not turn 360 degrees. Father Lucas found it hilarious Kovak's dismay at not seeing green vomit (or roof walking). The maiden did have extra sensory perception. Father Lucas tested this for Kovak by having the girl guess what was inside the bag (inside was Kovak's $1).
The movie is not too far out there for a bit. In an incident with a child, Kovak discovered that the priest had inserted a frog inside the pillow. He was annoyed at the lack of integrity of the priest. He thought the boy was making up the thing about the demon donkey. The story went sour in the last exorcism session of the pregnant girl. He thought the girl was crazy. For this reason, he asked the devil to prove that he existed. From then on, the movie went downhill.
In the other half of the movie, the devil tries to prove his existence to Kovak. Oh, I forgot to mention our possessed priest is the actor who played Hannibal Lector. That guy is one scary possessed guy. Anyhow, through the exorcisms Kovak found his faith. He had originally lost it because of his mother's death (plus, it was pretty traumatic because his daddy had him help in the preparations of the corpse). Well, the priest recovers. He goes to become an exorcist in Chicago. The end!!
Oh, this movie is based on real events. The moral of the story is that not believing in the devil will not save you from him. They described the beast like a thief in the night. He comes to your house and steals away in the darkness.
His greatest accomplishment was convincing all that he did not exist. The second moral of the story is that its a real bad idea to dare the daredevil (no relations to Marvel's daredevil. It is all just a figure of speech). Kovak wanted proof and he got it.
I remember in one scene his dead father called him over the phone. The doctor informing him of his old man's death told Kovak that his daddy had kicked the bucket six hours ago. Oh, three demons appeared in the rite. The first one was Judas Cross. He was inside the pregnant girl. I am not too certain.
It seems that Judas became a demon after killing himself over his guilt for selling out the lord. The cross came into play when the maiden vomited nails. It's interesting how the girl made a cross pose whenever the demon was acting up. The Donkey demon seems to be like Freedy Krueger. He does his thing through dreams. Plus, he affects the weather (he made snow appear in the summer).
You know, this donkey demon is the inverse of another infamous donkey from the Bible (I don't mean the donkey that Mary rode in during the Nativity and the Flight of Egypt). There is a story of a man riding a donkey. The Donkey saw a demon by the end of the road. To protect his owner, he refused to move forward. The owner got angry and started whipping it.
Then, an angel gave the power of speech to the donkey. Through the donkey the angel rebukes the human. The last one was Baal. He was the demon that possessed the priest. Baal is said to be a Duke in hell. He is also said to be the frost dragon deity of the Canaanites. He did not do frost magic. Although, had the exorcism taken too long his dragon form would have breached though the portal separation our world and hell.
You know, I read that this movie only gets good reviews among the Catholic community. I suppose that the Protestants don't have a rich exorcism culture. It's hilarious that when it comes down to it, all call a Catholic priest to take care of a demon.
Still, in this country atheism, skepticism or agnostic is fashionable. I guess it bothers this type of audience the realization they cannot escape the devil (or other kinds of demons) by not believing in him. All I know, is that all religions agree in the existence of demons. Its interesting food for thought.
Dark Shadows Movie Review
Today, I took the family out for a movie. My treat. It had been almost a year since the last time we went to the theater. When we entered the screening room I had a strange foreboding. There was like only two people inside the room. After watching some of the stupidest movie trailers in existence, the movie started.
You know, when I watched movie trailers, I believed that Dark Shadows was going to be about an 18th century vampire getting used to the 1960s. However, they only developed that concept a lil bit at the beginning.
The rest of the movie was a symposium of interesting concept. All the issues treated in the movie could have stood alone. However, combined they served to make one long interminable torture. I think the movie could have done without the witch, the werewolf and the ghost chick. I first believed that it was an old vampire getting in touch with his modernized vampire family. Aw... what a bother. It really is a pity that (what's his name) old vampire caught on quickly to the 60s groove.
You know, what I really did not believe was the whole thing about the Vampire become an entrepreneur overnight. After all, busyness in the 60s no were resembles busyness in the 18th century. I think the movie could have worked just fine without the epilogue. What I imagine is that this script had a fusion of many other mini movies. There is the tale of revenge, jealous crazy broads, the season of the witch, vampires vs werewolf vs witches, ect.
I noticed two movie reference within the movie. When the witch was seeing the vampire kissing another woman, she scratched the walls. This jealous fit was taken from the movie "Death becomes Her". There is also the green vomiting from the Exorcism.
The whole dead chick ghost reincarnation thing was taken from Haunted Mansion, Disney edition. You know, if you take one or two of the explicit scenes, this movie could be rated E. Overall, I think this movie has potential. Its too bad they had to screw up the end.
Frankly, when the witch chick showed up, the movie started going downhill. What a disappointment... Next time, Mama picks the movie. If there ever is a next time. This movie was so bad that it killed all my desires of ever visiting the theater. What a pity. Johnny Depp was wonderful, as usual.
Side Note:
Aw, now I understand. I did a lil research before sending my bad review running. It turns out that Dark Shadows was an old melodrama from the 60s. In this movie, they stuffed 1225 episodes worth of plot into a 100-minute film.
That's why this movie felt awkward and juggled up. Certain series cannot be made into movies. Its like summarizing the entire bible into an hour film (without omitting either Leviticus, Numbers or Lamentations). They could have remade the series, and it would have been sublime. Instead, they made a movie. Oh, well...
Taken 2 Movie Review
In a world where google map does not exist, people find their way by throwing grenades. Seriously, that was the biggest exaggeration I ever seen done in a movie. In Taken 2, the father helped guide his daughter to him by having her throw grenades all over Istanbul.
For those that do not know, Istanbul is in Turkey. So, this is the week of my birthday. In my house, birthdays are celebrated over a whole week period. Thus, this Friday I went to watch Taken 2 with my family. The movie was similar to the first. However, this time the father and his wife where the ones Taken. It was up to his darling girl to save him.
In his little cell, he had all his key phones programed. However, he did not bother to program a map. I suppose he thought he did not need a map. Yet, it is hard to keep your bearing when you are blindfolded. As usual, his little girl did not answer his phone. What I found odd was her father's magical closet. It was lucky that one of the guys searching for the girl did not get her. His pal shot a dude and they had to leave the hotel. In a movie, luck is just the writer feeling bad for his chibis.
If you ask me, in the real world, his little girl would have been found easily by the bad guys. In the real world, her father would have been slain a 1000 times fold. Well, here is the gist of the beginning, but not the ending. The father is on another mission in Istanbul.
His ex-wife and daughter give him a surprise visit. The irony is that they were the ones who left with a surprise. I suppose it was foolish to imagine that you could take down an entire mob operation and not experience repercussion. However, from all the guys he slew, the one that came back to haunt him was Marco of Tropoya.
For those that did not watch the first movie, Marco was a guy he interrogated. He was asking him about his girl. When he got his answer, he electrocuted the guy to death. When Marco's father found the body, he went to get revenge. This movie shows the cycle of death and vengeance. If you think about it, this super spy represents America.
When the bad guys hurt the US, the US than reaps a terrible vengeance, Machiavellian style. Those that survived are spiteful and then they take revenge on the US. Thus, the cycle keeps on spinning. Whoever threw the first rock does not matter anymore. Both are trapped in a circle of death.Well, these are my thoughts on Taken 2.